Aye Caramba!!

On May 5th (Cinco de Mayo) 1862, the French Army was slaughtered at the Battle of Puebla. 4,000 poorly equipped tequila-drinking Mexican soldiers outsmarted and annihilated little Napoleon's French army of 8,000 men. The city of Puebla, 100 miles east of the very clean Mexico City, was the battleground on which Mexico was to prove to the world that national sovereignty would not be compromised. As a result of the this bloody battle, the French soldiers were either killed, or retreated to their confines of baggettes, camembert cheese, champagne, and chain smoking.

You may be wondering what this has to do with softball. Well, exactly 146 years later, Casa Carne Asada de Izzy's reenacted the Batalla de Puebla and killings in true Cinco de Mayo spirit and suffered a similar defeat. Prior to the Battle at IVC, Izzy's was already down 4 men. What could be more important than Novato Parks and Rec 3rd division men's softball you ask? Apparently basketball and vacation. Pimpalicious was occupied by giving his monthly lecture to SF State students on "How to Hustle your Hoes while Building your Stock Portfolio." Catcher Aaron was still thinking about his 4 hits from the last game, and didn't want to spoil us this week. Our Right Fielder had a very important netball playoff game to attend to instead of fighting for Izzy's, and Dito, our part-time left fielder was on a much deserved vacation.

To replace the MIA Izzian's, Bilbo picked up two guys from the canal in San Rafael to play catcher and center field. Bilbo treated them to virgin margaritas and Coronas at Maya's before the game, and they looked great with their Maya wristbands. I can't remember their names, but the center fielder caught a few fly balls, and they both had a couple good hits. Even though one of them was tagged out at home to end the game, we owe them a big gracias for filling in. So thanks guys.

The first inning wasn't too humiliating, as we only gave up one run. Bilbo snagged a rocket grounder to third base and shot it to Tom at first for a solid out, solidifying one of only two infield plays of the night. It was a surprisingly calm night for the Izzy's Infield. I managed to knock down 3 grounders at short stop, preventing any balls from rolling into shallow left, while making exactly 0 outs in the game. Pitcher Matt fielded a fake bunt for an out, and struck out another batter out with his ugly change up. First Base Tom caught a pop-up for an out, then let the 2nd base runner steal 3rd (and home) after a wild throw to 3rd, and after the runner face-planted 10 feet before the bag. 2nd Base Tommy had a highly uneventful night in the infield, while nursing a Kentucky Derby hangover and mourning the loss of his best friend, Eight Belles. Tommy almost got his glove on a missile up the middle, almost.

Izzy's outfielders on the other hand, had a very busy night. Our outfielders made most of the outs in the game by catching 12 of the 253 shots to the outfield. Huppert was fast in left field, making some amazing diving catches as if they were pot brownies falling from the sky. Veteran Ben took the most important position on the field, right field that is. Not only did Ben catch a dinger to right, he caught it one-handed to end the inning. Coach Brian and his amigo in center field were busy retrieving line drives all night, netting a few outs. Understandably frustrated with all the line drives to the outfield and over my head, Pitcher Matt (who is part-time motivational speaker, and Tony Robbins graduate) gave us a brief pep talk and told us to "get our heads out of our asses." Similar to how an ostrich sticks its head in sand when scared, we took the same approach, but for the humiliation of giving up 15 runs.

But wait, it gets better. Not only did we give up 15 runs to the decade old San Marin Mustangs who were re-living their glory days, Team Izzy's scored zero runs. I know, its impressive. Our new bat (not Vaginal Thunder) , helped us get few guys on base, but no one succeeded in passing 3rd base. We eventually surrendered our defeat by order of the mercy rule. Last night,we were on "The Bar" hometown hero- I mean home turf, similar to how the French were defeated on foreign land back on Cinco de Mayo, 1862.

So what do we do when we are defeated? We Drink.

...and we drink more.